Chicken Soup for My Soul

2002-08-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

Hehe, I wrote this during an interesting session of drinking and playing music at Mark's house. I find it very, um, odd?

Real human interaction!! Is that so much to ask? I'm sick of being another passing face. There are enough of those, enough faceless robots that mimic real humanity. I should laugh. I should find all of this funny yet somehow it all just melts together into one failed parody of all that should be real. People walking down the street so happy together playing "Ignore the drunk". People talking with an amazing amount of earnestness about the latest episode of MTV's The Real World. Where did feelings go, where did thinking go? Hello Jack, I am a bastardized, whacked out RIPOFF. Teach me to play baseball.

I believe that the "Jack" I refer to is Jack Kerouac.

2002-08-06T21:15:00.000-07:00

2002-08-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

2002-08-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

I love riding that bike. Today the wind was blowing into my back so even though I was going about 20 mph it felt like I was almost standing still. It was amazing to watch the world just slide away behind me while my legs just rythmically pumped 1..2..1..2..1..2..1..2..1..2..1..2. I don't know if anyone will understand this but I just feel so complete and at peace when I'm exercising, my body switches over to autopilot and my mind can just wander about on some golden nimbus cloud.

2002-07-21T01:18:00.000-07:00

blah

2002-04-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

Bah, I knew there was a reason I didn't post here anymore, and now I just found out. So if you two happen to be reading this then let me just tell you that I have smoked pot exactly once in the last over a year or so. I also have no intention of doing it again any time soon because that's not what I want in life. Smoking pot and being 30 years old and sitting around a crappy appartment watching TV and listening to Pink Floyd music is not my idea of a good life. I feel sad for Mark and Mark and Kris and Chris (yes, four people, two pairs of similiar/same names) because they aren't going anywhere and you can tell. It's not as if they are even happy about this, one of the Marks was asking me how "do you do school man?" and I just looked at him and said that I don't think it's a matter of how, it's a matter of why. I want to go to school beyond highschool because working in a fast food store or a bank or a supermarket would drive me absolutely insane. I couldn't handle going through life knowing that I could be doing something a thousand times more interesting than serving pizza all day. Okay, now I ramble.

What I mean to say is this, don't worry about me and pot. Don't worry about pot and your daughter. Don't worry about pot and your daughter and my car and me driving. Don't worry about any of those things because it is really not an issue, there is nothing to worry about in those respects. I'm sure if you tried though you could find something real to worry about, but then again you are just parents and that is your job.

2002-03-31T00:41:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. I haven't posted in a while and I know that no one is reading this anymore but that was on purpose I think. I didn't really write here because "here" was way to, not me for lack of a better term. But that's in the past, now is in the here.

Yeah, so I got off work exactly one hour ago and I'm as high as a fucking kite. Make, from work, and I took off and smoked some groovely herb after work. We talked about shit and laughed and listened to a weird radio station show with a DJ from work. Pretty funny shit I tell you.

Suddenly got very lazy, must go now. Bye.

2002-02-06T23:09:00.000-08:00

One of my boss type people happens to be friends with Wingnut. The first person to e-mail me and correctly tell me why anyone would know about Wingnut gets a prize.

2002-02-05T14:09:00.000-08:00

Hmmmmmmmm. If I were a fish I wonder what type of fish I would be. Maybe an octopus 'cause they are all crafty like. Oh yeah, and I know that an octopus isn't technically a fish, but this is my page and I can make any kind of wild generalization I want, which means if I want to consider all marine animals as fish then I can. Of course I would exclude dolphins since they are really just evolved men...

I was in the EE (electrical engineering) lab for two and a half hours and you know what, I got my lab DONE! This makes me happy since I also got my homework and the take home quiz done so I have no EE work until the weekend. I also have no math homework until the weekend (well I could do it now but who ever does) so I am feeling pretty liberated right now. Perhaps I shall go burn some bra's to protest this phalocentric society. Oh wait, I forgot. I like being in a phalocentric society, come worship Brad, bearer of holy penis.

Someone e-mail me, I'm bored.

2002-01-31T09:47:00.000-08:00

I've had this strange anxiety flying through my school. Not generalized anxiety and not specific, just anxiety. Okay, that's a lie. The anxiety is specific and it's not really anxiety more like a terror that grips my gut and leaves me motionless for an eternity or so. I'm worried about people that I don't see anymore, I'm worried about something happening to them and I wouldn't be there to help them and to make it better. I'm worried that by moving away I've somehow let all those people I had connections with down. Todd, Patrick, my Mom and Clyde. J and Erika and people I would see only rarely but at least I would see them. What if I'm not there for them when they would need it, what if I never see them again.

The real kicker is that I know that this is a fairly irrational fear. People do just fine without me, life goes on. I think it's more of my mind doing fucked up subroutines that there being any real reason to worry over people. From what I hear everyone is doing fine and everything seems to be okay. But sometimes all those facts just don't register and I'll stand in my bathroom with a tingling feeling spreading across my skin and my stomach falling into and endless pit in my soull; toothbrush in my hand and one contact already put away. Just frozen in time in the middle of my routine; just anxious and scared for no reason. I think I should stop writing now...

2002-01-17T10:27:00.000-08:00

I don't understand what this cultures obsession with the trivial is, I don't understand how so many people can be content with the blind little lives they have created, and the blatant corruption in our government and the greed and the lies and the hatred and the... the EVERYTHING basically. I don't get it. I like to pretend that I have rejected those things and that I am on the outside of pop culture and the mainstream by choosing to be so, yet every now and then I think that perhaps it wasn't me who rejected society. Instead I think that maybe it was society that rejected me and now I am just making up my own little reality in which I was the one doing all the rejecting. I guess it is slightly akin to a breakup in which both people are utterly convinced that they were the one who dumped the other, but obviously there has never been a mutual breakup(seinfeld) and so one of them must be lying, or more likely their brain has clouded and altered those events to make them feel better. Am I the broken or faulty being? Am I the problem? What's reality and what is just my perception twisting everything all around just so it can fit inside all my preconceptions....

Am I no better that the very people I rejected?

2002-01-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

Fuck the record industry. In this day and age shouldn't they have realized that I'm not interested in purchasing a flimsy little silver disc? When I buy a cd, any type of cd, I'm not paying my goddamned money for a thirty cent wafer of plastic and silicon. I'm paying for the information stored on it. In short I am purchasing the rights to own the information on that disc and to do what I wish with that information as long as I don't distribute it to others either for free or for a profit. That's the entire point of having a digital medium in the first place. You can stick it on a hard drive, convert it to another format and copy it onto a new cd, yet now it only takes up 1/3 or less of the space.

This pointless and incoherent rant comes along after I learned that the recording industy (aka big ass evil corporations of DOOM) are going to start putting cd copy protection into their cd's, keeping us from being able to create mp3's, copy them onto backup cd's, or just about do anything. However in a stunning display of worshipful behavior by Compaq, who happens to own nearly ALL the patents for the cd, said that such a copy protection would violate their licsensing deals and that if they proceeded not only would they make a new generation of cd burners that could circumvent any copy protection the recording industry came up with but they would also open a big 'ol can of legal whoopass on them sons'o'bitches. Of course Compaq isn't doing this out of the goodness of their heart since it is in their best interest to get people to use the cd as a temporary digital storage space. The recording industry should just realized that they can simply liscense out their music and they shouldn't be so concerned with the medium, aka the cd.

Okay, I'm done, I'll probably edit this later tonight and inflict upon it some much needed clarity and style, but that's good enough for now.

2002-01-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

I've been laughing at the obviousness of abstraction, or in other words I've been laughing at all the things that we go through life assuming and treating as if they were concrete while the are, in fact, anything but. Notions such as time, property, concept of self, language and particle physics are all just a few examples of this. It's not that I don't think we should treat them as abstract since that would require a major shift in Joe Schmoe's though process and as we all know Joe Schmoe currently is in favor of George W. Bush's actions and therefore can't be trusted. Instead I treat it as my personal little inside joke, just something to keep me sane while I muddle through this life of mine.

In other news it was recently decided, by myself, that I need to go out and get some Guns'n'roses albums. I am planning on getting Appettite and Use Your Illusions 2, if anyone thinks that this is completely nuts then let me know, my e-mail is somewhere on this page.

2002-01-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've been gone for a long long time. Almost half of forever but not quite. This is besides the point though since reality follows no mans stopwatch even if it was some kind of ass kicking stopwatch of pain or something. Do not laugh at this, I've seen that stopwatch and let me tell you, it could sure rip me a new one, if by new one you mean a blister on my thumb from gleefully stopping time and then allowing it to proceed again, or at least doing this in my head since reality follows no mans stopwatch. Now I'm just repeating myself....

Holidays=good times. I got presents that make me happy and I saw my brothers and my dog and my mom and my step-dad and bend, but not Eugene unfortunately which is why Erika and I are sad. Reality sucks when things don't go your way and things don't normally go your way since they normally go my way thusly disqualifying you way from going at all. Therefore I can safely say that reality sucks for you mostly and for me sometimes. Of course I can't prove this at all, it's just a little fantasy of mine I use in order to expand my already bloated ego into even more fantastical levels of arrogance.

"This is just another stupid ass love song about some girl that I've got a crush on, and if we never talk again it's all the same because I can't remember her fucking name."

2001-12-21T09:37:00.000-08:00

Hehe, this is the funniest thing that I have read in a really long time. The funniest part though has to be all those dumb fuckers who thought that this article was serious. Hehe, I love the internet.

2001-12-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, another week is gone and here I am again trying to remember what my password is for this damn thing. Actually that's a lie, I never forget my password since it is the same damn password, but I don't get on and blog very much anymore. I'm not exactly sure why this is though, perhaps I no longer have the urge to communicate with complete strangers or perhaps I've decided to spend more time writing in my journal instead of posting incoherent babbling on the internet. Whatever the case may be I for one really don't give a flying-fish of a fuck. Why? Well because I can damnit, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

There are some other things I do want to talk about, namely views. The views that people have on the world around them and how mind numbingly consistent those views are. Liberals, conservatives, left and right. They are all just a bunch of kids noisily sucking down the pureed pees that the leaders of their little group fave gleefully shoved down their faces. No one takes the time to think, everyone just regurgitates this mass of pre-processed information out for others to lap up. I don't care any more, I don't care wether you voted for Nader or Bush, I don't care if you are pro-life or pro-choice. You are just the same as all the other little sheep that mill about on the pasture that the media has so gracefully provided for us; it's an all you can eat buffet of opinion and rhetoric, help yourself. I need to learn how to think on my own, I need to learn how to make my mind independent from the mass of blah that spreads out all around me. Anyone wanna help? I'm open to suggestions.

2001-12-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

OHHH!!! Megatokyo has holiday merchandise! They have a |33T |00T |-|3R3 stocking and and naked l33t boxer shorts!! I'm so stoked.

2001-12-04T09:36:00.001-08:00

I like the work of art I ended up being. It's slightly disturbing but pretty cool.

2001-12-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

If I was a work of art, I would be Edvard Münch's The Scream.

I express the subconscious troubles and anxieties of the world. I hold my head and let loose the primal terror of my innermost fears, surrounded by a lurid landscape which reflects my feeble grasp on reality.

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

2001-11-30T08:29:00.000-08:00

My life is pretty... good actually. Which amazes me since it has been a while since I have been able to say that. I used to be depressed, and not just in the normal healthy way of depressed. I went through what psychologists classify as a major depressive episode. Ohhh, sounds all scary doesn't it? Well I think it was but I really can't remember. That's one of the side effects of depression by the way, your memory falls to pieces and the whole world just becomes this on long streak of grey in which you can't imagine ever feeling any different than you do right now, nor can you remember any time in your life where you felt any better than you do now. But it's over, I think, and the world has changed and my life is different and every morning when I wake up and find that I am able to get out of my bed I just wow. It's amazing how we take advantage of all those little things in our life, like being able to get out of bed, being able to eat, being able to fall asleep at night and being able to smile without lying. I'm happy and I'm feeling good, and that fact still surprises me.

2001-11-28T08:41:00.000-08:00

Wow, I had a really cool dream last night and I hope I can write it down before it all fades from my very faulty memory. It seems like ever since Waking Life I've either been more aware of my dreams or I've had a change in the way I dream, I don't know which it is but I really don't care. Now on to the dream.

It revolved around a place called nowhere or neverwhere (no relation to the novel) but it was really just a little place in the middle of emptiness that I could just go to whenever I wanted. Kinda like magic I suppose. Anyway so my friends and I had this place that was removed from this reality and it was just fun and interesting. There where snow flurries that consisted of snowmen and ice sculptures swirling outside our window, there was a stereo system that would take verbal requests (I got it to play dead kennedy's) and a shower and little kitchen. The whole room was just full of that warm indoors while it is snowing and freezing outside feeling. I don't think this is very coherent but I really don't care. Blah, it must be too early to be writing.

2001-11-27T11:08:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, and I'm thinking of making this more of a real sight and adding some more pages/place for pictures and such. So if anyone knows any decent hosting place for free or for very little money drop me a line and let me know. And if I get that then I can finally put up that java timer that counts down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until W. Bush is out of office!

2001-11-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

Sooo....sometimes the abundance of freakish coincidences freak me out, but such is life.

In other news, I think I'm going to become a character. That's right, so much of life seems like an act or like it's from a script anyway so I just decided that I wasn't going to reisist it anymore. From this day forth a character I shall be someone straight out of a 19th centurey fictional novel, and not just a bit character or someone shoved in the story for "flavor". Oh no, I shall be memorable, I shall be pivotal to the very plot of the story. In preparation for this I've started cultivating an understated British accent. Oh yes, and from now on everyone must refer to me as Mr. Pervus, or maybe even Lord Pervus, I haven't really decided yet.

2001-11-26T23:22:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's amazing how much more sense the world seems to make once you actually get around to balancing out all those chemical equations up in your head. It's just one big crazy chemistry experiment that has gotten way way out of control folks. But it is, and that is fairly scary. We are nothing more than a whole slew of chemical reactions. If you introduce a new chemical into the mixture you get new reactions, so does that mean you get a new you. I mean, just how much of our self is wrapped up in all those chemical reactions, at what point do we stop being a beautiful individual snowflake and instead turn into just another formula or equation that can be written down and figured out. How much of what I do has anything to do with my own choices, and how much is just physics.

2001-11-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I figured out that I've probably been over my whole sickness thing since sunday morning and that the whole "I feel dizzy and out of it" thing was not, in fact, related to my cold. It was however related to the fact that ever since Friday I had been forgetting to take my Zoloft due to the cold messing with my head and all. So today at school while I was desperately trying not to fall out of my chair and wondering what the fuck was wrong I suddenly realized this. So to make a long story short when I got home I finally popped my 150 mg of pure seratonin goodness and feel much, much more balanced as of the this exact moment.

In other news I've decided that one of my most favorite things in the whole wide world is a street sign which bears my name. Thanks Erika, and I want to "chill" with you when I come up during x-mas break.

2001-11-25T15:51:00.000-08:00

Everyone go post stuff on this board so I can feel like people care.

Board of stuff

2001-11-25T15:31:00.000-08:00

Saw this on Penny-Arcade. When you are sick these things make you very confused.

With today's strip, we close our harrowing foray into unpleasant continuity. It was a dark time - and the sooner we can move past it, the sooner we can resume the more fragmented, fevered nonsense which has become our hallmark. What's more, now you know first-hand - if we aren't covering something here at the site, you can be sure it was Jim who liked it. With many humans who read the strip away from the office or home for the holidays, I'm not entirely certain how many people will show up - let's operate under the assumption that it is only you and I, and construct a massive fortress out of couch cushions and bedsheets.

2001-11-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

This came from a recent Netscape poll. The question was that if we managed to locate Bin Laden, should we try him in a court of law or assasinate him... I'll let the results speak for themselves:

Trial: 30% (39798 votes)

Assassinated: 70% (93390 votes)

133191 votes total.

2001-11-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

I want my shirt back....

2001-11-20T08:47:00.000-08:00

I now have on my computer the following illegal DVD quality MP4's: American Beauty, Ghost in the Shell, Princess Mononoke, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and A crappy quality Akira. I'm so rebellious.

2001-11-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

Some times late at night the pure hugeness of everything going on around is just too much. The universe stretches to infinity inside and outside of me. It's like the two halves of the universe, the micro and the macro, are just so far beyond my comprehension that I have no hope of understanding reality. Every time I grapple with this question I get caught in the same exact mental loops, I never make any progress. The universe is mostly just emptiness and the universe is really just an abstract concept far removed from the realm of a human's reality, but my mind just seems to recoil from that concept, takes a break, and then comes to the same conclusion all over again. Why can't I just accept these things and move on? Why do I always ask myself the questions that I already know have no answers?

Perhaps this is just another facet of my self destructive nature. Perhaps I need this kind of turmoil in my life to feel like anything is happening at all. Other people can focus on the trivial things such as Brad Pitt and The Emmy's, so why can't I. They lead lives that have very explicit answers and questions. All the information they need comes wrapped up in these nice concrete packets, delivered to them via the warm glow of shows like Access Hollywood and Extra. This again brings up my whole split nature. On one hand I am repulsed by those people; I don't understand what kind of REAL life you can lead when you are a (waking life reference) slave to Slavery Inc. But on the other hand I wish I could find as much peace of mind just by attending a church once a week, or focusing on other people's lives, or just by ignoring any question that wasn't related to my specific existence.

My problem, I believe, stems from the fact that I have allowed my world to become too abstract, too surreal. I make no distinction between the concrete and the abstract, in my mind they are both the same. And perhaps they both are the same, perhaps the very concept of abstract vs. concrete is simply a human creation and that a fully developed human wouldn't need to discriminate between the two, but I am not a fully developed human. I most likely never will be a fully developed human, and I don't even think there ever has been a fully developed human, so maybe I should just pull back and retreat into the concepts and ideas that shelter the psyche of so many other people, perhaps there is a reason for the distinction after all.

So that is wrapped up but I don't think I am going to stop writing yet. I mean, just because I can't think of something else to write about doesn't mean I have to stop because I can do whatever I want and you can't tell me what to do, so NYAH! But seriously, that's a good point. Sometimes it is better to just let your mind meander and just kind of let that meandering out on paper or, as in this case, a computer. It doesn't matter if this mental meandering doesn't make any sense to anyone else, the beauty lies in the fact that it allows people to dismantle a lot of those mental walls that we all create in order to keep ourselves safe from the rest of the world. For me it allows me to express my musings on questions such as the nature of the physical universe and other strange physics related questions without becoming protective. You see, when I was a wee little Brad I went to several different schools and I always noticed the same thing. The kids would always accept me right off the back, until they went through several science classes with them. Then they would look at me differently, then they felt like I was strange or different from them. I was just a wee Brad, I didn't understand that I saw the world a little differently, or that things that were perfectly clear to me weren't that way to a majority of my peers. I made connections and logic leaps and they couldn't follow and so they decided I was some kind of genius. In fact in 2nd grade two girls decide to measure the size of my head to see if it was much bigger than theirs. Their theory was that since I was so much smarter than everyone else I must have a bigger head. And so I retreated, and I hid and I still hide. I'm not just interested in science anymore but the same thing keeps happening. Inadvertently I say something and then everyone looks at me differently. Inadvertently I speak up and someone gets left behind and they don't look at me the same again. Unintentionally I say something and everyone looks at me until one person says something about how fucking smart I am (well maybe not in those exact words) and I try to deny it because I don't want people to think that I'm smarter than them. I'm really not, I just spend a lot of my time wrapped up in my head thinking about the world, so it just seems like I'm smarter. If you devoted as much time to it you would come to the same conclusions, or at least that's what I try to tell them and they don't believe me, but on the inside I'm always convinced that they are wrong and I'm really not that intelligent.

Gee, don't you feel sorry for me yet?

2001-11-15T21:32:00.000-08:00

I was listening to NPR today and they where hosting a Q&A session the Vladmir Putin, the president of Russia. A world leader was sitting in some NPR broadcast booth and answering questions from people, not reporters and not from other politicians. It was a line of communication with someone who wields much more influence than I will ever have. It just made me wonder how often an American President does something like that.

2001-11-13T12:16:00.000-08:00

So i've had this headache now off and on for going on two weeks now and it is driving me crazy. It seems that if I move to fast or get my pulse up it causes my head to start throbing. It's not all that painful really, but it is pretty annoying.

And it rained... It's funny how much joy rain can bring me. During all the time I lived in Eugene I never once was happy waking up to cold, drizzly gray skies. But when it happenede on monday I was filled with joy, it was RAINING. Rain brings green and lushness and most of all it brings LIFE, it makes me want to curl up in a chair with my blanket and read a book, it makes me want to step outside and twirl around for a while, and then when the cold finally drives me back inside I would retreat to the shower and heat myself up for a good half an hour. It makes me realize that I really loved Eugene, and it makes me realize that I can really love the Bay Area. That's all, seeya.

2001-11-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

Ack!! Did I miss Jeeyons B-day or something? Good god, why doesn't anyone ever tell me these things, I'm just human you know. Or maybe I'm just a little better than human, but that's still nothing special and that still doesn't mean I have crazy psychic powers that let me peer into your minds and pick out such intimate details as your name or your birthday...

But I have a headache again. I didn't use to get these but now it seems like I've been getting them about once a months and they linger for about three to four days. Could this be some kind of side effect to Zoloft? It sucks and it hurts and I want it to go away now and it won't so I have to whine about it to people instead. I think I'll sleep now, good night.

2001-11-04T13:28:00.000-08:00

Oh my god!! Somebody put SHIT in my pants!!!"
I know that no one except Todd and I will get that but that's okay because I now have the Squee! graphic novel! Know I can sit back and read all the many fucked up bits of Jhonen whenever I feel like. The world is good.

2001-11-03T02:32:00.000-08:00

There is just so much stuff in that movie that I feel as if there is no way in hell that my fragile psyche can even come close to absorbing it. It opened up a whole new world that I never paid any attention to. A world that took up roughly half of my life, the world in my dreams. I'm not so ambitious as to aim for total mastery of lucid dreams, I just want to actually be able to remember the ones I have, is that so much to ask. And just one more so none of you forget it. SEE WAKING LIFE..

I've had this desire lately to worm may way deep down into a comfy chair at some coffee shop and drink coffee while discussing philosophy or just writing in my Batman journal. Sometimes I view this blog with a slight bit of skepticism because I don't spend enough time writing in my journal and the writing I do here seems to bland and empty in comparison. I in a way have started seeing this blog as a thief of my creativity I suppose, which would be why I have been posting less and with less depth to each post. Anyway, to finish up the ramble I think I'm going to capture some people tomorow and force them to sit through a discussion of reality/philosophy with yours truly.

Oh so tired, oh so sleepy. And by the way, I can't sing even though Paz says I can. Trust me when I say this, or if you don't trust me just ask people like Erika or Todd (don't ask me how you would ask them though) and they will be able to fill you in on my long history of sucking at singing. Goodnight all, and if someone asks you if you want to play a game of questions for the love of Zbinithral DON'T answer with a statement...

2001-10-31T22:38:00.000-08:00

So you're quiting?
No, I think I'm just not going to go to work anymore.
Well what about money, how are you going to pay your bills?
You know, I don't really like those. I don't think I'm going to do that either.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster. ;-)

2001-10-30T18:11:00.000-08:00

Wheeee!!! My little sister type chick Erika has a a blog now. Let's all go be voyuers now.

2001-10-29T21:26:00.000-08:00

I get back to my house after a wonderful dinner at Paz's to find my dad handing me a movie stub.
"This was an amazing movie."
That's all he said, that's all he had to say once I saw that the ticket stub was for Waking Life. I really can't describe much of it, the movie has this odd ability to defy any explanation to someone who hasn't seen it. All I can say is that you MUST see it, now if possible. However I know some of you live in Eugene and it probably isn't out yet, but keep your eyes peeled, it is definately worth it.

Oh yeah, Erika, my e-mail has been acting funky, got your poem and I really liked it. I will send you some comments or something if you so desire, I've just been busy trying to rebuild my computer the way I like it.

2001-10-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

Hell yeah, I finally got my computer back so now I can post on a semi-sorta regular basis. Apparently my hard drive didn't crash, it was just my OS. Of course this explains why I couldn't fix it since I always refuse to do a low level re-format of my hard drive since I always believe there is a way to save things. Anyway, the bad thing is that a low level re-format wipes everything so it was a real waste of time to try to save things.

On a final note: I AM 48% PUNK.

but somehow according to the goth test I am 51% goth even though I answered no to 4/5 of the questions...

2001-10-17T22:08:00.000-07:00

Too much homework lately and not enough time for fun. I have finals next week and a lot of projects due this week which would explain the lack of any meaningful posts lately. Just give me a few days and I can come up with some interesting stuff, I promes.

2001-10-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

Whew. Weekends sure take a lot out of me. All that reall hard work that I get done sure makes it hard for a boy to get much relaxing done. Oh, and the 49er's just won in overtime baby! Damn this has been a good weekend. Oh yeah, one more thing. Lord of the Rings (LotR) will be the best movie, Ever!

2001-10-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

I am soo tired. I spent a total of six hours today workinig with my group on my extremely annoyiing presentation project that is due TOMOROW and will make up roughly 1/3 of my grade. And now I will spend another hour or so editing all the the writeup one more time since I am the only person in my entire school that is able to write decently. Or that's what they say just to get me to do all that work. Wish me luck and send me encouraging e-mails.

Oh yeah, my headache, that started on monday, is still here!!! Why won't it go away...

2001-10-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

New link, new link, yes I have a new link! I've been meaning to add that one for a while now...

2001-10-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

"You are going to go back to your desk, settle down, focus on your work and catch up."

Accompany that with some key hand gestures and you have one of the most memorable parts of Haiku Tunnel.

2001-10-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

Home Sweet Home

Pictures in my mind dripping into obscurity
becoming puddles of color and memory on the floor.
Those places I thought I held dear in my heart
have now found their way into the back of my mind.
Hiding along with all the other memories of my life,
that I've managed to ignore over the years.

And no matter how hard I try to hang on, I feel
the memories fading away into a shadow of what they were..
The movie becomes a still frame
The still frame becomes a black and white polaroid
The black and white polaroid becomes a rough sketch
And the rough sketch becomes a mere doodle.

Did I betray them, did I push them out of my mind?
If this is natural than why do I feel so bad?
goodbye...

2001-10-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm desperately trying to ignore what is going on in the world. You see, during the last several years I was one of the few people I knew who actually gave a damn about what was going on in Sudan, Nigeria, Turkey or any of the other numerous countries that pretty much contain more human suffering and misery each day than the USA has seen in the last ten years. But now everyone seems to be paying attention to the big picture so I've decided that it's becoming trendy and I must stop. Or at least pretend to stop.

On another note I've finally started writing in my journal again after a very long dry spell. Maybe now I'll finally come up with some more poetry that's worth printing once again, unless of course a bunch of people write to me and inform me of how bad I write. In fact I would really like that. Someone I don't know needs to give me honest opinions of my writing. I really don't think that my loving girlfriend Paz, my family, my psychiatrist or any of my friends can really give me real feedback since I just think they are trying to make me feel good. So next time you see me post a poem feel free to tear it apart. It can only help me out.

2001-10-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, here is an actual question from the psychology test I just took:

Who was the first person to propose that we develope in distinct stages as well as theorize the Oedipus and Elektra complexes?
A. Freud
B. Freud
C. Freud
D. Freud
E. All of the above are correct.

Hmmm.. I wonder what the answer is...

2001-10-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

ARGHH!! My computer is dieing once again. Something happened to the hard drive and now there is physical damage to it. So far scandisk has reported roughly 7,000 bad clusters, and I'm sure that number will go way up by the time it finishes. Anyway that's all I have to say.

2001-10-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

Half formed thoughts flitting like butterflies through my head then shattering into a thousand shards of colored glass, throwing confusing light throughout this thing I call my mind. The world just doesn't seem real to me and I find myself wondering just what's the point of it all. Reality it seems to me is nothing more than another dream with no way to tell if I'm awake or not. Tossing, turning everyday these thoughts I guess are here to stay so nothing needs make sense in the end. I'll justl lie here sleeping in my room, thinking all my thoughts of doom and realizing that nothing I ever do can mean much to anyone else. Nothing I do could ever make the world a better place, so what's the point in trying?

2001-10-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

I want to feel and see and hear and experience it all. I want to sit atop the Great Wall of China as the sun sets to my wests. I want to wander through the halls of the Taj Mahal and I want to sit atop some remote Incan ruins high up in the mountains. I don't want to live a life that is restricted to my culture and to this country. I need to get out and experience all the things that I can. Statue of David, Leaning Tower of Piza, Big Ben, Eifel Tower, the Pyramids, Jerusalem, Angel Falls, the Great Barrier reef. I want it all and I'm terrified that I'll somehow miss my chance to experience them. I'm terrified that I'll wake up one day and discover that I'm forty years old, overweight and working at a job I don't care about. I don't belong here, I should be out there...

2001-10-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

Dragonball Z dumb?! I think not. In any other cartoon or tv show's they would embark on some long search for a cure for turning into a werewolf. In dragonball z they just nonchalantly BLOW UP THE MOON! Come on, it's so, so, simple really. You can't turn into some crazy were-creature if there is no full moon. So in light of this evidence I demand that your comment be stricken from the record.

2001-09-29T00:32:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, here's one thought before I go to bed. If you feel as if your life is full of teen drama/angst then stop it. Seriously, teen drama/angst stuff is only in your life if you are actively engaging in it. I have none of that in my life simply because I refuse to be a part of it. So the only way to stay out of it I suppose would be to not do stupid confusing teen agnst things. So what if things change and go different like. I know I shouldn't be lecturing you but I think you need it. And even though I'm probably that last person who you would take advice from just hear me out. What have you done lately that could have contributed to your current situation? Not saying everything is your fault, just partially.

Blah, why do I try to impart half formed wisdom. On a lighter note I just got done watching GHOST BUSTERS!! I love this movie, Bill Murray is the epitomy of humor.

"If someone asks you if you are a god, say YES!"

2001-09-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

I knew it!! All year in school I've been racking up absenses in all my classes, and insane amount of absenses in fact. Why is this so? Well no one seemed to know especially since I've been going to all my classes. However today I noticed something strange. My SSN# on my student ID card was off by one number. Why would this be important? Well at my school you swipe your card through a scanner at the beginning of each class in order to take attendence so if your card is off by one number then you will never be registering as being in any of your classes! So now that this is fixed and Student Services (SS) has cleared all my previous absences I feel like a bouncy Brad. Huzzah for me, I'm so cool.

2001-09-25T20:49:00.000-07:00

I have a new plan. I think Since the internet advertisement companies are all dieing out I think I might put out an add about me. Not a link to this sight, just something like some scrolling or blinking text saying how great and awesome I am coupled with some quotes about me from some people I know. Yes, I will be famous but no one will really have any idea who I am!!

Oh, and before I forget. Lightning storms have to be the coolest type of weather possible. They are so big and flashy, and after it's all over the entire world smells so fresh and so clean. WHEEEEE!!

2001-09-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

Some days I just feel braindead, the pen is just a dead weight in my hand. It's like when you are almost out of toothpaste so you roll and squeeze until you get this little teeny bit out, but you just aren't sattisfied. You did all that work an your only reward is this, just enough toothpaste to brush your teeth. And the worst part is that you know tomorrow it will be twice as hard to get toothpaste out...

I can't believe I just made a toothpaste analogy.

2001-09-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

Done with my psych project, good. I don't get to see Paz today, bad. I worked out, good. It started raining while I was riding my bike there, bad. See, everything in my life tends to have balance, I'm just the happy little center of the universe I suppose.

2001-09-23T00:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose Solemite isn't all that bad. Still, they are fairly repetitive and the girls like them far more than they really should. The KGB and The Local's are fucking incredible though. Paz doesn't think that In Case of a Bad Trip is any good, I just think she needs to try LSD to really understand that song. Life good, psych report almost finished, and Brad is sleepy. So goodnight, or goodmorning depending on when you read this. I'm off to dream land.

2001-09-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

YAY!!! For all of you old squarsoft geeks out there I found the perfect webcomic for ya. Check it out. You'll thank me later.

2001-09-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not a whisp of smoke about to be blown away. I'm not that lone cloud that hangs in the air as the day dawns, and then quickly vanishes as morning turns to noon. Nor am I a rock or a mountain, full of resolve and unyielding power. I'm not wonderful, I'm not perfect. All I am is me, a simple human being. I don't have answers nor am I your answer, I'm just willing to help you find your answers if you help me find mine.

2001-09-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is my final post in which I discuss the event's of last Tuesday. Notice how I can't even refer to it directly, I have to say "the event's of last Tuesday."

Terrorism might not make sense to some people but it is really quite simple. Let's assume that there is this country, let's call it country A, that is extremely wealthy, technologically advanced, and big. Let's pretend there is another country called country B that has greivances with country A and would like revenge if only it had any chance to get it. Country A is not someone any other country, especially country B, would want to mess with directly. Not only would country A beat the living crap out of country B, but countries C, D, E, F, G as well as many other's, all whom are also big and powerful, would also beat the living crap out of country B. How does country B wage any kind of an effective war on country A? Well they don't, not directly. Instead certain groups of people whom they can't be held responsible for, yet provide assylum for, do all the damage. This allow's country B to wreck all kind of havoc and not be held responsible for it's actions. How could country A deal with such a situation. I suppose the only way would be to demonstrate to country B and any other country that has similiar policies that they will be held accountable for the actions of people that the provide assylum for. Terrorism is only so widespread because we've provided a world in which it can work, a world in which they have someplace safe to hide. And as much as it pains me to say so, I believe the only way to solve this problem at this point is to do things that I don't agree with...

I love you all, I hope for peace, and maybe someday this will have faded into nothing more than another sappy memorial in DC...

2001-09-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

Good lord, it seems as if very few people in this country actually understand what goes on outside of our borders. I haven't been able to keep track of all the times I had to explain what the Al-Quaid was, or what the US's foreign policy in the middle east was. People just don't understand that we've done a lot of fucked up things that we never hear about. Yes we do a lot of good, I won't deny that. But we also have caused more death and suffering than those madmen that hijacked some planes a couple of days ago. I'm not saying that what they did is right, all I'm saying is that we all need to do some research and discover if what our government does in other countries is right or not.

"If the American people was aware of the blood that was dripping from their hands because of policies that their government supports they would be outraged...

2001-09-11T18:32:00.000-07:00

No, it doesn't make any sense.

2001-09-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

We all saw it. A plane flying into, and then through a building. Smoke, fire, confusion, collapse. We witnessed the death of hundreds, maybe thousands of people. "Hunt and punish those responsible", is this the answer? Haven't we seen enough violence or do we truly want to turn our special forces into death squads? There is no way to even comprehend a situation, Manhattan is evacuated. The only time that happened was in the movie Godzilla. The United States has enemies. We've known this for a long time. Enemies we created and trained that have now focused their attention on us. All the pain and suffering that the world experiences just to keep us comfortable has caught us to us and I'm worried that our reaction will only make things much, much worse. I feel sorry for them, all of them...

2001-09-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

Fuck the government. I owe it nothing, yet it owes it's very existence to me. I am not a resource, I am not something to be used to make the nation "stronger". I am a indi-fucking-vidual and no matter what people say or tell me I refuse to fall in line all neat like along with all of their other preconceived notions of "correct" or "proper" behavior. The government exists solely to serve it's citizens, it's entire purpose is based on the idea that it can make life easier and more fulfilling for us.

Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country can do for you."

2001-09-09T23:36:00.000-07:00

okay, so I just got this e-mail from a really good friend. It cracks me up and makes me fondly recollect my mispent youth. Oh wait, I'm still a youth...

Hey there...
Ugh........I have only been this hungover once before and that was when I got sick that night with you. I have puking ALL NIGHT. My bud Lauren's parents were out of town last night and we had a sorta VODKA party. Here's my list before I lost count In a record time of 20 minutes:
5 shots of Vodka
1 chugged beer drop...(damn those things and that bastard that tought them to me!) *brad taught her these... hehe*
3 shots of Gin in one glass with juice CHUGGED
a flask, FULL of peach schonps...(sp?)
Impressed? appently I was yelling about how I could hold my alchohol better than anyone there. See I was trying to outdrink this one girl, who was eyeing My BF sean. I hate this girl. At any rate I could have stopped way before I did. She was still eyeing him, so I punched her in the face. Beligerant is the word to describe it. My hand is blue from it, cause after that I was like, "how do you like that bitch?" and then I punched a hole in Lauren's wall. I then proceded outside where everyone watched from the porch as I yelled about my mad drinking skills and threw up in a bush for the remainder of the party. All in front of a sober Sean who was my ride home. I am sure I scared him thoughly. This morning I puked like, 5 times and my parents haven't a clue. The bathroom smells like Vodka. I think I won't be drinking tonight at Good Ridence.
Anyhoo, theres a crazy story for ya.

2001-09-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, one more thing now. A lot of people have been using the expression "raar", or even "rawr" to express certain feeling of theirs. These two forms of this expressoin are unacceptable. The only correct way is "rar", or in dire cases "RAR!!". That's all for now.

2001-09-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't been this tired in a long time. I suppose that's what I get for all the fun I had last night, and all morning, and well into the afternoon. And then I go to a football game, so yeah, I'm really tired.

Ohhh, I washed my car yesterday. You might not think that it is a big deal, but you have no idea how dirty that thing was. It had this layer of dirt, bugs, and bird poop all over it, and while I'm sure it acted as a protective barrier agains the elements it made it impossible to be near my car without getting dirt all over your hands and pants and such. So it's all clean and shiny now. Green Fire! That's what I'm going to call my car. Screw Grease Lightning, my car is Green Fire!

Now I just need to get a customized paint job and some decals...

2001-09-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

In homage to the now extinct MUD's, I will now be using a bamfin and bamfout during IM chats. Of course I don't expect anyone to get it but that's okay, it still makes me happy.

2001-09-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

YAY, there's a new contest at Savage Love. For all you people out there who don't read it I advise you to check it out immediately. And for those of you who are lazy bastards (you know who you are) I will gladly explain. It's a masturbation horor story contest. So if anyone has a really good masturbation horor story send it in to the e-mail adress he gives (I'm to lazy to go look it up okay...) and you could win a basket full of masturbation goodies such as lubricants, toys, and some high quality smut to assist you. Don't have a good story? Well then go out and create one people, you only live once.

2001-09-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

He's roughly 800 miles away from me. In a world where communication has become instantaneous no one really realizes how huge of a void that is. A smile, a hug, a smell. None of those can travel 800 miles and yet I feel this need for them deep in the pit of my stomach. I want to hear his voice and make jokes with him. I want to bum all his cool CD's and watch Brazil with a tall mug of Pike's Kilt Lifter in my hand. It's not that I'm not happy here because I've found something that's almost as good, and probably will be as good in time. It's just that when I think about how we aren't apart of each other's lives anymore it makes me realize that there is this void in my self. We grew up together in a way most people wouldn't understand, and we gave away huge chunks of ourselves to each other with no hesitation. But now that has backfired. When we were younger it made us able to survive what we lived through. It made us fundamentaly different from our parents and our influences. It made us two complimentary people, a unit that can function much better as a pair than when it's split. But I'll survive, I'll continue and change and evolve until eventually the hole in my self will be filled by experiences, but when that hole is filled we won't be able to go back, back to how we were before.

2001-09-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

So how late can a teacher be before students start a mass migration for the door. At my school it apparently is approximately thirty five minutes, but I think the data might be off due to the fact that we are supposed to be having a midterm. I think I will check in at the end of the first hour to see if he's arrived yet because I really would like to take that test sometime...

2001-09-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

Dad: "Did you go see Paz?"
Me: "Yeah"
Dad: "Oh, well if you had told us when you were leaving I would have given you her rings
and glasses that she left by our bed."
Brad: "Um..."
Dad: "they're in our room if we want them, what were you two doing anyway."
Brad: "Watching TV.. on your bed..."
Dad: "And she had to take off her rings for that?"
Brad: "I don't know, maybe they are uncomfortable..."

You owe me one Aileen.

2001-09-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

Ahh, a lazy sunday morning with leftover Thai food and good music. I suppose I really should pick up the house a bit since my parents supposedly come back today, but I don't know exactly when they are coming back, and besides, it's Sunday damnit. Today is the you just slack off and relax with a good book and a nice selection of music in your computer. Speaking of good books I think I see if I can finish Cyteen today. I would have finished it by now but I've been sooooo busy and such. Brad, busy... That just doesn't sound right...

2001-08-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

Heh, if anyone ever used a testostemeter on me I would probably overload it...

2001-08-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

I had my math midterm today, and got really, really scared. It was multiple choice but you had to show all your work on the test paper and then fill in the right bubble on the scantron. Somehow nine out of the ten questions (it's calculus, each question takes a long time) ended up being A. Do you have any idea how creepy that is? It's totally disconcerting to take a multiple choice test and continously fill in the same letter over and over and over and over...

But I think I did do them right because other people in my class were bitching about the same thing, shaking our heads and wondering, for the nth time, exactly what it was that our teacher was smoking, or shooting up, or snorting or something. I think it is physically impossible to be as energetic and animated as he is without some kind of substance stronger than coffee coursing through your veins. Maybe someday I'll sneak an audio recorder into class and put up his lecture in mp3 format just so you people can experience the power of Benny Luo.

Fuck you to babe, you did the same to me... ;)

2001-08-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

You've told me all your stories through the troubled years, but I haven't finished drinking so please tell them again."

2001-08-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

Signs of the forthcoming apocalypse:
1.) My cars odometer was reading 66.6.
2.) Jonathon will be missing a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show
3.) The weeeeee is taking over my internet.
4.) PK apologized to pazzie...
5.) Satan has spread from my car to other devices such as Jonathon's CD/DVD drive.
6.) Mr. Tuttle grew a beard.
7.) I'm actually being responsible when it comes to schools work.

2001-08-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

Rar Rar Rar!

I feel like posting I quick little poem that I wrote last Friday during my free write time in English. Okay, I lied. I am actually posting TWO poems that I wrote during my english class, not one. Anyway, these happen to be the first, ultra rough drafts of them so if you happen to think they are any good give me some feed back and maybe I'll get motivated enought to actually go over them and polish them up. Way up...

Defense Mecahnism
I feel as if I have Captain Kirk in my head
Whenever I feel threatened or conflict looms
I hear his voice saying “Shields up, red alert.”
I become protected, safe in my little shell.

An argument with me is not something you would see
Because I don’t, because I can’t..
They sit across from me pouring out their grief
Until in their mind everything seems right.

But it’s not.

I just sit quietly, listening to every word that’s said
Chewing it over in my mind, a cow to her cud.
And it stays, it won’t go away
Rolling over and over and over again.

I’m sorry I can’t respond.
I’m sorry I can’t talk it over.
I’m sorry I can’t be more like my writing,
And just let all my feelings come out.

Contradiction
Their faces twisted with hate
Voices rising in disharmony
Telling me of my inevitable fate
Of brimstone, pain and misery.

These people I don’t understand
Their methods don’t make sense to me.
Do they love me as they claim they do,
Or hate me as they appear to do.

Preachers of love, forgiveness and joy,
But believers of hatred, pain, and death.
Their worship goes to a vengeful and petty deity,
And to his son, who tried to show them the way.

2001-08-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

"I amuse you, yes?"

So I find myself feeling bewildered, and I find myself wondering why anyone would pay money to hear what I have to say. I suppose some people must think so or they wouldn't be using something I wrote on a whim to get a profit. Is this what being a writer would be like. Would I write something that I actually liked, only to watch disgustedly as some publisher tries to squeeze out the maximium amount of profit. I'm really not meant for dealing with capitilism and business, and I wish I could just get through life without having to deal with it. Sometimes I imagine that there is a rich philantropist out there who would be willing to support me as long as I let them read my poetry and discuss it with them. If anyone knows someone who would be willing to do this let me know, it would make me happy.

2001-08-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

Love you too...

2001-08-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

I was at Great America today!!! Oh my god, it was soooooo fun. Of course I got really soaking wet on that raging rapids ride, but what do you expect to happen when the ride gives total strangers the ability to push a button and cause a stream of water to soak you.

Anyway Todd and I went *WOOSH* on that really cool new ride called Stealth or something. (WOOSH motherfucker, WOOSH). Um, sorry about that inside joke but I can't help it since Todd is here and I feel myself reverting back into my comfortable goofy self. We are going to see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back now so I hope you all have a good night. Especially you Paz.

2001-08-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

Ohhh, someone made a reference to the allegory of the cave. Although I wonder if he really understood the allegory or not. In my mind the whole metaphor of the fire and the shadows is really not the important part, it isn't the purpose of the allegory. The purpose of the allegory is for someone who has seen the light, seen the outside world in all its glory, to go back in the cave and subject himself to the darkness once again. Why would he go back in the cave, because he is the philosopher who has taken his mind beyond the barriers that the rest of us are unable to cross. By putting himself back into the darkness he gives himself the opportunity to describe and explain to the other prisoners about the reality he has seen, to describe how the light feels on your face.

2001-08-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

I miss him sooo much...

2001-08-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life can be just so painfully sureal or hazy. It's as if my waking hours and my dreams seem to blur all together into once confusing stream of thought and unawareness. I want something to be concrete. I want something to feel real. I am sick of all the abstract notions and thoughts that run around in my head. I want to find my way back to reality.

2001-08-19T23:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so apparently if you were walking through the streets of Tokyo and decided to check up upon the latest trends in vaginal pleasuring devices you might be shocked to see the smiley little face of "Hello Kitty" proudly resting on a vibrator.

Does anyone else find this slightly disturbing?

2001-08-18T00:08:00.000-07:00

My world turned crystal clear for a moment today. Everything was pure and clean, gorgeous and so transparent, or should I say apparent. But a crystal world is not very strong and it didn't take long before it was shattered once again...

2001-08-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

My dad left this morning to spend the next three days backpacking with one of his friends. I really wish I could have gone, but that would require missing school and all that so I guess I'm just stuck here. But there, there is just so amazing. Full of trees and flowers, birds and freshness. Everything seems more real out there, everything feels more pure. It's almost as if I become a different person when I'm out in nature. I become relaxed and content. All of the stress in my life just kind of melt away and all that's left is a happy relaxed contemplative Brad. I miss the trees.

2001-08-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

Gargh, I've got nothun to say today so just go away.

2001-08-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

Interesting story. I was waiting at a stop light minding my own business when I decided to glance down at the odometer to see how many miles I had driven since I last got gas. I chill spread through my body for a number of unspeakable evil was staring back at me from withing my dashboard. 66.6 miles, exactly. What could this mean; was it an omen, whas it a sign. NO! Only one explanation could make sense out of such an evil occurence. Satan himself had possessed my car; my car was now officially evil. Wish me luck my friends, I must find a way to save my poor cars soul...

2001-08-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

For all you chicks who dig chicks, might I suggest checking out todays Exploitation Now. Ohh, I think I'll talk about sexuality and sexual preferences then. Here it goes.

Do what you feel is right. Never let someone else tell you what your own sexuality should be and never prescribe to some established idea about how human sexuality behaves. You are, as a human being, fucked up. The sooner you understand this and accept this the happier you will be. Your drives don't have to make sense, your wants don't have to be socially acceptable. We only have one life to live and you only get to be young and attractive for about half of it. So go forth, get off your lazy asses and live out your fantasies damnit. Just be yourself.

2001-08-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

Rar!

I am eeeevil! Pure distilled evil! I will seduce your daughters and steal your beer. I am the one who causes your voice to crack right in the middle of a presentation or speech. I am the one who makes you forget all your appointments. So fear me; fear my wrath and cower before my hand or thou shalt feel the pain of my scorn...

Thanks for your time, you may go back to your regularly scheduled lives now. ;)

2001-08-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today has been a long day. Had Psych today, fun stuff. Learned about, well, learning actually. Latent learning, cognitive maps, insight, all that good stuff. I have a test next week though and I'm not too excited about it. Oh well, I needed to learn how to study some day. Anyway Annie convinced me to go to some weird fast food fired chicken place and I finally realized what eating healthy will do to you. You become unable to handle greasy fried crap like that. Then at home I passed out for a few hours before finally going to work out. So the day itself hasn't been bad at all, if you don't count lunch that is, it's just that I've felt weird today. You know that feeling of doom you have sometimes. Misery's a coming I suppose, but who it will strike nobody knows...

2001-08-12T22:52:00.000-07:00

I hate hormones...

2001-08-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

I am feeling generally dissapointed with the current state of the human race. What exactly are we thinking? What are we trying to accomplish here? The nations biggest concerns at the moment seem to be Sandra Levy's affair with a Congressman and the state of fetal stem cell research (which, by the way, no longer uses fetuses to gather stem cells since the can simply force the stem cells to continously divide...). What happened to Africa? Do we not care about the continuing tension in the middle east? It seems like we focus on a semi-important or pointless issue for the space of three months, get all worked up about it, and then promptly forget about it. Have we accomplished anything lately. What happened to campaign finace reform? What about NASA? Has there been any real change in the availabitlity of AIDS medicine in third world countries? I probably wouldn't be so upset if we actually followed through on anything, even if I disagreed with the decision. How can you make any kind of changes when everyone else simply forgets every couple months. I have this nagging suspicion that we are just being distracted, but I'm probably just paranoid...

2001-08-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

I bow before the wit of Tatsuya Ishida and his mighty SinFest.

2001-08-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile

Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

2001-08-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

Yellow polka-dotted porcupines swimming through a see of hot fudge sundaeness. The purple moon rising majestically from behind the Great Cow while a horde of purple zigwam-ziggers dart and dash through the air...

I love nonsense, I now have a craving to go find a bunch of Dr. Seuss books, something like There's a Wocket in my Pocket or On Beyond Z would really make me happy right now. Actually I am really happy right now, but that would make me even happier hurtling me beyond the mere mortal realm of happiness and into the realm of pure bouncy mega joy. Maybe I should go to a library, get some Dr. Seuss books, and read them to random people on University Ave.

2001-08-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

Yay, I just realized I can finally get a bunch of Op Ivy songs from audio galaxy. I'm a happy Brad now.

2001-08-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel as if all reality is nothing more than a little dream of mine. I can't prove the realness of anything, I can't even, to pay homage to momento, rely on my memories. The human brain is such a complicated and powerful reality interpreter that nothing we experience can be considered objective in any way, therefore we can't actually rely on our brains to give us an accurate depiction of the world around us. I'm sure anyone reading this has experienced this before. Have you ever had an argument with someone and later made up, only to discover that their memory of the argument was completely different. Their brain twisted reality to fit their understanding of things, and your brain did the exact same thing. Everything, from the smells you smell and sights you see, depends on your brain to get processed and comprehended. Everything runs through that little reality filter in your head that chooses what to remember and what to forget, what your reality is going to be. I wish I could somehow free myself of this, or at least ease the restrictions a little. I don't want to be confined to my little bubble in reality, I want to be free and see the world as it truly is...